rbansil's Xanga

New Blog Site

Tue, 22 Apr 2008 06:17:27 GMT

Hello Friends! Just wanted to let you all know that I have a new blog site, where I will be posting new blogs from here on out. Check it out at aoman94.wordpress.com.

See you there!

New Year…New Adventure

Wed, 02 Jan 2008 01:37:37 GMT

Another year has come and gone. I’ve had a lot of time to reflect and to see where God has brought me the past year. I can honestly say that some events that have transpired the past year were unexpected…some were exciting, some not so exciting, some very good, and some not as good as I would have liked. I kind of wished that some things worked out the way I wanted them to, but maybe if they did, they probably wouldn’t be as good for me as I thought they would be. The only common denominator that brings all these things together is that throughout the year, the one true constant is God. And, one of the primary things that He has been teaching me is that it’s all about Him…it’s not about me.

I’ve spent this year trying to understand this truth in my life…everything being all about Him. It was a struggle ‘cause it meant that I had to let go of a lot of myself. I had to let go of some of the desires I have for my life and to align myself to God’s desires. That’s not an easy task, especially for someone who likes to be in charge and to plan for where I saw myself to be. The toughest part of learning all of this is that God had to take away some things in my life…sometimes He had to do it twice, and I regret to say that some took three tries.

The thing I’ve been focused on the most lately is God’s Kingdom Building. I’ve been leading worship music at a church in Woodland Park since last August. The attendance is low – maybe 10-20 people each week. I used to wonder why there weren’t more people showing up, and I used to be pretty bummed out about it. After a couple of months, though, God had to remind me that it is all about Him and not me. It’s not about my expectations, but about His work and His time. Since then, I’ve been so excited just getting to know the regulars who attend and being able to praise God with them. The cool thing about all this, too, is that God has been providing me with more confidence in the abilities He has given me…and that excites me because I believe that He isn’t done with me yet.

I’m finishing up my Master’s in Project Management this May. I was going to write about something that has to do with spaceflight and why the US is going back to the moon, but I changed my mind and I’m now currently working on a new subject (which I should be doing right now, but I’m messin’ around with my blog instead). I decided to change my subject to church planting and managing successful teams in a non-profit setting. This is what I’m most passionate about; hence, me and a couple of my brothers in Christ are hoping to attend a Bible college or Seminary this Fall to get Biblical Study degrees and/or a Master of Divinity. I’m not sure what God will do and how He’s going to work this out, but I’m excited about it and I’ve learned to get excited about the unknown…but not just the unknown, but the unknown that is known to God and the unknown that is driven by Him and my desire to follow Him.

This is so new to me because I’m not the type that lets go of things easily, and some of those things include my past. I hold on tight to those memories, and sometimes I wonder if God will allow me to experience those again. But, I have to ask myself if those things I hold dear to also hinder me from moving to the direction God wants to take me. Am I allowing those things to make me less efficient for God’s use?

The one thing I know through all of this is that it never hurts to step out in faith…to do the things that I know God is directing me to do even though it isn’t comfortable or that I have to sacrifice some things to do it. When you step out in faith, though, that’s when you can see God work around you and in you. That’s tough ‘cause there’s that “unknown” thing again and you worry about the outcome. Stop! Stop worrying! Allow God to use you and you’ll see how much your relationship with Him will grow. Make yourself available to Him and you’ll see what kind of adventure He’ll take you on. You don’t have to worry because He’ll bring others along the same journey…and those times when you feel like you’re all alone…He’s not too far off…He’s holding your hand.

“Come, follow me, “Jesus said, “and I will make you fishers of men.” At once they left their nets and followed him. ~Matthew 4:19-20

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Tue, 17 Jul 2007 02:57:22 GMT

Stretching Out

I’ve had so much that I wanted to write about the past couple of months. I know that some of you want to hear more about my Bosnia trip, but I want to share with you something greater that God has been doing since Bosnia. My faith has been tested time and again the past year and a half, and it hasn’t been that easy. I’ve learned so much about myself, but the most important thing is that I’ve been able to know my God more.

My perspective on things in my life changed dramatically a couple of weeks after I returned from Bosnia in May. I had to humble myself to a brother and to my God regarding a situation in my life that involved covetousness and envy. I had to humble myself to the point where I washed my brother’s feet in front of those I love dearly. It had to be done because it was keeping me from allowing God to use me. It’s as if I hindered God’s vision for my life by making myself a slave to selfishness. But after doing what I had to do, I sensed a peace that transcended anything that I could ever imagine and release from something that dragged me down. I knew right then that God had a plan and that plan involved my being available to Him…me being obedient to Him…me all sold out for Him in reckless abandonment.

Since then, I know God has been building back a strength in me that I once had in Him…I lost it not too long ago because I lost sight of Him. Instead, I was overwhelmed in my own pride. My eyes have been opened to the things that He is planning to do and to the things He is currently doing.

Recently, I accepted a position as a worship leader for a church down in Woodland Park just west of Colorado Springs. The church has had a vision to start a new Saturday night contemporary service – a service that would reach those who have been disenfranchised with church and its traditional ways. Four of my brothers and I heard of the opportunity and made ourselves available to allow God to use us by my interviewing for the position. It is an opportunity for us to use the abilities and the heart that God has given us for outreach and for building a community of believers and those who soon will be. It’s an exciting time as I know God will reveal more of Himself to me, and to all of us. We will witness His power and His love by obeying Him and knowing that He will guard our lives. It’s a step that I’m not used to doing…it’s a step out of comfort, but a step into the great unknown that I believe will be full of God’s greatness and unending love.

My Building Brothers group and those in my eXodus small group hosted a community BBQ at my townhome complex on Saturday. We had a huge turnout from those living here and the friends we have outside of the complex. It was a fun time filled with food, music, outdoor sports, and conversations – true community. From that one day, we were able to create new relationships with those who we probably would never have taken a second look at in passing. The hearts of the people around me are filled with God’s vision for His Kingdom, and His Kingdom building. It’s an exciting time for us to spread our wings and to lengthen our cords by going beyond what we know and understand – we’re stepping out in faith and we’re being obedient to the One who has called us to be His children. It’s an exciting time!

“Enlarge the place of your tent, stretch your tent curtains wide, do not hold back; lengthen your cords, strengthen your stakes. For you will spread out to the right and to the left; your descendants will dispossess nations and settle in their desolate cities.”

~ Isaiah 54:2-3

Back Home

Wed, 23 May 2007 14:21:05 GMT

I just wanted everyone to know that I made back home safely on Monday afternoon. After some weird run-in with Customs, all is fine. I want to thank you all for your prayers and for your financial support. I will post up more about the trip in the next few days, just so you'll know what we did from Day 4 and on.

I'll also post up some photos in my Photo section, so you all can see what Bosnia looks like and have a chance to see what we were up to.

Again, I appreciate your prayers very much. I can't begin to tell you how much God has been a huge part of this trip and how He worked things out long before we got there. He's revealed Himself to me in so many ways that I just don't have the right words to describe His pursuit of me. I hope I can try to explain this better in the next few days.

Stay tuned for more updates!

Bosnia: T minus 14 hours

Fri, 11 May 2007 05:14:41 GMT

It’s almost midnight and I should be asleep right now, but slacker me is still doing laundry and getting things together for my trip to Bosnia in about 14 hours. This will be my second trip to Bosnia. I went with a team of eight back in May 2005 – it was our first time in Bosnia as a mission team from my church. Last year, a team of eight went, but I wasn’t a part of it. I had some other things in my life that kept me from going.

This year is a bit different. Honestly, I wasn’t sure if my heart was really in the right place for this trip. I didn’t know if God was really calling me to go, or if I just signed up just for the heck of it. I’m a part of a team of four…four very close friends. We’ve had our team building meetings, but I still wasn’t really into them. I just didn’t know if I was really supposed to be on the team.

My attitude has been much different lately, especially since the time is upon us. The past several weeks have been rough for me, and I just didn’t know what God was trying to teach me. Things didn’t really turn out the way I would have liked. Still, I wonder how much of my focus was on my desires and what I wanted instead of what God really wanted. How much did I really desire Him?

This trip to Bosnia will be a selfish one for me. It’s a given that I will be serving my God and will be used as a tool for His Kingdom Building, so I’m excited about that. My first trip there was primarily focused on serving Him. This time, I’m really looking forward to how God will reveal more of Himself to me. How much will He reveal some things about myself, and how much of His work and His vision will I see? This is what I’m excited about…I want to know more of the bigger picture…that His plans far outweigh my own.

I’ve really had to learn how to let go of my own desires and truly seek what God’s plan is…not just for my life and for others in my life, but His own plan. I’ve had to learn how to be more selfless and to trust in God’s sovereignty. While it may be difficult I’m excited about where I’m at in my life and I’m looking forward to where God wants me to be in His plan…His will. I want to be one step closer to being the man He wants me to be and is shaping and molding me to be. While I’m not complete in Him yet, I trust that He’ll reveal more of who I am in Him.

“…being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” ~Philippians 1:6

Clarity

Thu, 26 Apr 2007 19:32:51 GMT

“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” ~Matthew 6:33-34

“For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.” ~Romans 8:24-25

“I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.” ~Psalm 119:11

I don’t know how many times I’ve spoken to people about God’s clarity and vision for their lives…I wonder about that myself for my own life. Is what is being presented to me right for me? Is what I think is right for me, truly right for me? What if I’m the one deceiving myself?

It’s interesting how desires can take control of a lot of what we perceive as common sense and wise decision-making. How much of it is truly guided by what God has been teaching us, or telling us all along? I admit, I have problems trying to discern what God’s will is for my life because I tend to fill His words with my own. I get confused, disappointed, then discouraged ‘cause just don’t know what the heck is going on. I realize that my mind has to change…that my perceptions and perspective needs to change. I can’t look at things based on what I understand, but trust and acknowledge that God knows best. I have to change my mind in that my perspective is seen through God’s eyes…not my own.

My Building Brothers group discussed this subject a lot this past week. How do I change my mind and how can I view things from God’s Holy perspective rather than a finite human one? Filling you mind of things Holy is what you do…that means truly reading God’s Bible for edification…to learn from it, to fill your heart and your mind with it…to meditate on it…and to memorize it.

Think of the game “Tetris” where you try to fit weird-shaped blocks into voids in order to get lessen the stack…kind of like “Space Invaders.” When you play Tetris for a while, you kind of get hooked on it. You start to walk around and notice how something could fit into a weird shape…like a mailbox fitting in a void in a wall, or how you stack baggage in the trunk, or how many monkeys can fit in a barrel. You think in shapes and blocks and how they can fit in other shapes and blocks. You spent so much time playing this game that you start looking at the world in a whole new perspective.

That’s how you start seeing the world in a new perspective…that’s how you see your life in a new perspective. Reading the Bible and memorizing passages is key. So, through whatever situation you find yourself in, God’s words fill your mind and you can immediately draw from it the strength and clarity you need. You will see how it fits in the empty voids in your life. We can’t fill those voids with other things, such as material goods, money, or even people. Those voids…those weird-shaped voids in your life need to be filled with the true and perfect shape of God’s words.

We can’t worry about things we don’t have control over in our lives. I tend to do that sometimes, especially when it’s something I don’t quite understand or a situation that didn’t work out quite the way I planned. The thing is, those things we don’t understand are things that are fully understood by God. You may even look back and see how God has been giving you hints about something in your life to get you where you’re at, or just to remind you that He is still there…that He is still watching out for you and looking out for you best. As a Christ Follower, we can’t forget that we have been given the gift of the Holy Spirit who intercedes for us in prayer and also speaks to our hearts – by groans that words cannot express…you may know that feeling – a peace or an unsettledness.

If something is unclear to you right now…be encouraged because it is clear to the One who loves you and has your best interest in mind. He will clarify it for you soon enough. Spend time in His Word…fill your heart with it, then you can discern your will versus His will. You’re not alone in this. When you see what He does later, maybe you’ll appreciate His surprise for you a bit more…that maybe trust and faith is so much better than clarity.

Drive

Thu, 01 Mar 2007 03:17:02 GMT

A couple of Sundays ago, I obtained my second speeding ticket in almost two years (this makes three in my lifetime). It kind of happened so fast (no pun intended), but I just wasn’t really paying attention. You see, my buddy, Shannon, and I were talking about some of the things God has been doing in our lives and some of the vision that He has placed in our hearts. It was an awesome conversation with a brother in Christ, and it was exciting to see the Spirit lead our conversation – it was exciting because the vision God placed in our hearts and minds meshed…they were aligned.

I tried to sort of work my way out of the ticket by “influencing” the police officer, or State Trooper, to be more accurate. I told him that we had this awesome conversation about church, which is where we were headed. The nice gentlemen said, “Ok, well, I’ll write up your citation pretty quickly so you can be on your way.” I’m glad he was really concerned about me getting to church on time. =\

This totally reminded me of life in general…how we tend to get from Point A to Point B as quickly as possible. Most of the time, we leave God behind…or try to leave Him behind until He slaps us upside the head with a traffic violation. We can’t get to Point B without Him…meaning that we can be so focused on reaching the goal if He’s not a part of it…it just doesn’t work because those are the times we’re relying on our own strength and not on His.

“And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ – to the glory and praise of God.” ~Philippians 1:9-11

“But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” ~Philippians 3:13b-14

God has placed a vision in my heart and mind along with several other brothers who are aligned in that same vision. I don’t know where God will lead us and it may take quite some time to reach this goal…but that’s okay. As long as I’m aligned with God’s will and His time, then I’m on the right path.

I found out something about me today that I think I already knew, but it really struck me today. There is so much God has to work in my life – I believe that He has given me some answers to the questions that I’ve had of Him – the answers are loud and clear. They aren’t what I really wanted to hear, but they are answers that I was very encouraged by. I wished I could share more deeply with you, but know that I am very excited about where God is taking me on my journey…a journey that requires strength, courage, faith – He’s been working on me with these things (strength, courage, faith) for years, but now I have the drive to be where He wants me to be…able to discern what is best…His best.

Another Chapter

Wed, 07 Feb 2007 05:08:43 GMT

I just had another birthday last week, and I can honestly say that it wasn’t the most exciting one in my life. I’m usually pretty content about making it through another year, but this one was kind of weird. I thought that I would have accomplished more in my life or that I would have reached certain milestones by now. I’m not saying that I’m not happy or content, but maybe a little disappointed…it’s really hard to describe, to be honest.

I was reading in Ephesians the past few days and came across one of my favorite passages in Chapter 3 versus 12-21. It reads:

“In him and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence. I ask you, therefore, not to be discouraged because of my sufferings for you, which are your glory. For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and how long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge – that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.”

One of my dear friends has this all memorized and she has encouraged me time and again to do the same along with other Scripture that really speak to my heart. I really should take that encouragement to heart because I really love this passage.

It would be amazing to have the ability to grasp the ginormousness of God’s love for us – being rooted and established in it blows me away even more. I would say that it is a privilege, but it is really God’s grace, compassion, mercy, and love. It’s a love that surpasses knowledge. I don’t even really know what that means…surpassing knowledge. It reminds me of the times when I was a kid and told other kids I’d blow them to “kingdom come.” Where is that really? It’s someplace I can’t comprehend or imagine where it would be. To be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God is even greater since we don’t even comprehend how much that “measure” really is.

The only thing I know and believe and trust and have faith in is that God loves me…and He loves you. All He wants is to give you His best. What is His best? It’s more than we can ever imagine. Though I sometimes feel that I haven’t reached certain milestones in my life, I still believe that I’m where God wants me to be. My “milestones” don’t matter in comparison to the milestones He has for me…especially the milestones He has already accomplished in my life according to His plan. It’s a whole new year for me and I can look back at all the amazing things He has done in my life last year…and the year before that…and the year before that. I look forward to His best for this new year, while He fills out another chapter in my life. Sweet!

Encourage

Thu, 14 Dec 2006 05:00:26 GMT

“Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another – and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” ~Hebrews 10:23-25

I meet every Monday night with six other men, brothers in Christ. We meet to build each other up in our faith, our understanding of God and what kind of men He wants us to be, to hold each other accountable, and to encourage one another. It’s been great getting to know these brothers on a deeper level. I’ve known some of them for a couple of years now, while some only a few months. We’ve built a trust and a bond that true brothers can only build, and it has been fun. Yup, we even watch the first hour of the Monday Night Football game before we start, too…so we don’t always start on time.

I’ve been thinking lately about the spiritual gifts God has given me and how I’ve been using them. I know that one is definitely encouragement, or exhortation. I’ve seen it come in handy the past couple of weeks, but when I look deeper into it, it seems that I’ve really been using it all along…many times without knowing it until someone tells me later how much I’ve encouraged them. I don’t write this to pat myself on the back, but just to point out how important it is to encourage people because it can make a positive impact in their lives.

Charles Swindoll wrote that needing encouragement is “all the more true for the people we meet every day. Harassed by demands and deadlines; bruised by worry, adversity, and failure; broken by disillusionment; and defeated by sin, they live somewhere between dull and discouragement and sheer panic. All of us, even Christians, need encouragement. All of us need somebody to believe in us. To reassure and reinforce us. To help us pick up the pieces and go on. To provide us with increased determination in spite of the odds. We all need encouragement…and we all need to be encouragers.”

2 Corinthians 1:3-7 talks about the comfort God has shown us in all our troubles so that we may also comfort those in trouble. It’s the positive side of “what goes around comes around.” Most importantly, the comfort and the encouragement you can provide to others is a direct reflection of Christ in you…His love in you…it’s a little glimpse of heaven. If I can show this little glimpse of heaven to someone hurting and in despair, then I’m helping to keep God’s promise of faithfulness, hope, compassion, and love to those in need. One day, it will come around when I need it.

Wherever you are…

Wed, 06 Dec 2006 05:24:01 GMT

Nothing touches me that has not passed through the hands of my Heavenly Father. Nothing. Whatever occurs, God has sovereignly surveyed and approved. We may not know why, but we do know our pain is no accident to Him who guides our lives.

Everything I endure is designed to prepare me for serving others more effectively. Everything. Since my Heavenly Father is committed to shaping me into the image of His Son, He knows the ultimate value of this painful experience. It is being used to empty our hands of our own resources, our own sufficiency, and turn us back to Him – the faithful Provider. And God knows what will get through to us.

Things may not be logical or fair, but when God is directing the events of our lives, they are right.

~ Charles Swindoll

I was talking to my dear friend on Sunday about how God has drawn us to Him. We talked about our past, what struggles we’ve experienced, and the difference God has made in our lives. One thing that sticks out the most about my past is how God has placed a burden in my heart to serve and meet people’s needs, to encourage them, and to love them. It seems that this isn’t always easy, especially when you’re going through something difficult yourself. How can I focus on someone else’s needs when I need someone to just focus on mine?

Last night, I was talking to a buddy of mine who is currently going through something very similar to what I experienced several months ago. We talked about the hurt and the pain, and all the questions that start with “Why?” The amazing thing is that we also talked about the positives…what is God teaching us to be better men for Him. What are we learning that we can share with others who will have similar experiences? God must have some plan for us…an amazing plan because whatever we’ve been through, He can use for His kingdom building. He is molding and shaping us for something phenomenal. Just talking to my buddy about my experience is in itself a comfort to him – that he isn’t alone, and that this also will soon pass. It blows my mind to think that God can use me no matter where I am in my life, and the times I think He can’t use me are the times that He most certainly does.