It’s almost midnight and I should be asleep right now, but slacker me is still doing laundry and getting things together for my trip to Bosnia in about 14 hours.  This will be my second trip to Bosnia.  I went with a team of eight back in May 2005 – it was our first time in Bosnia as a mission team from my church.  Last year, a team of eight went, but I wasn’t a part of it.  I had some other things in my life that kept me from going.

This year is a bit different.  Honestly, I wasn’t sure if my heart was really in the right place for this trip.  I didn’t know if God was really calling me to go, or if I just signed up just for the heck of it.  I’m a part of a team of four…four very close friends.  We’ve had our team building meetings, but I still wasn’t really into them.  I just didn’t know if I was really supposed to be on the team.

My attitude has been much different lately, especially since the time is upon us.  The past several weeks have been rough for me, and I just didn’t know what God was trying to teach me.  Things didn’t really turn out the way I would have liked.  Still, I wonder how much of my focus was on my desires and what I wanted instead of what God really wanted.  How much did I really desire Him?

This trip to Bosnia will be a selfish one for me.  It’s a given that I will be serving my God and will be used as a tool for His Kingdom Building, so I’m excited about that.  My first trip there was primarily focused on serving Him.  This time, I’m really looking forward to how God will reveal more of Himself to me.  How much will He reveal some things about myself, and how much of His work and His vision will I see?  This is what I’m excited about…I want to know more of the bigger picture…that His plans far outweigh my own.

I’ve really had to learn how to let go of my own desires and truly seek what God’s plan is…not just for my life and for others in my life, but His own plan.  I’ve had to learn how to be more selfless and to trust in God’s sovereignty.  While it may be difficult I’m excited about where I’m at in my life and I’m looking forward to where God wants me to be in His plan…His will.  I want to be one step closer to being the man He wants me to be and is shaping and molding me to be.  While I’m not complete in Him yet, I trust that He’ll reveal more of who I am in Him.